The Wryno Party

Something has gone horribly, terribly wrong for The Right Hon. Paul Martin and I implore each of you as honest and true Canadians to pray for him - in a non-denominational, non-threatening, tolerate-of-all-religions-and-no-religions sort of way - that he will find the strength he needs to rise above this latest of cruel tests.

Ontario "Liberal" MP Pat O'Brien is now Ontario "Independent" MP Pat O'Brien. Like the flutter of butterfly wings, the loss of this traitor means good things for our beloved Liberal party - except for the fear of an election call, now that the numbers have changed. (The loss of Gurmant Grewal is, I fear, temporary, as stress leave could end at any time, especially if there is a vote in the House and the fear-inspiring Mr. Harper forces Mr. Grewal to return for the vote)

Folks, it isn't just the numbers. The bigger issue here is the innuendo. There are rumours that Liberals don't support same-sex marriage. Now, I ask you - a an honest and true Canadian, how could you not support same-sex marriage? It isn't as if same-sex marriage means the breakdown of family life as we know it. Same-sex marriage legislation shows the world that, once again, Canada is a leader in tolerance and acceptance. And if Harper, O'Brien and the other racist bigot knuckle-dragging redneck westerners can't see that by now, I don't know what we have to do to get them to see the light. O'Brien says The Right Hon. Paul Martin did not deliver on "full, fair and meaningful" hearings. The Liberals heard from over 60 witnesses - 20 more than originally expected - how can that be anything but full, fair and meaningful? I don't know exactly who the witnesses were, but I can assure you that each person who spoke of tolerance, acceptance and the political correctness of same-sex marriage was given ample time to express these leadership-inspired thoughts to the committee. As the Hon. House Leader Tony Valeri said, government will sit through the summer if required to ensure Bill C-38 is passed.

That is dedication! That is the kind of inspired leadership Canadians need and deserve! Politicians who are willing to work through the summer to pass legislation that almost half of the people in the House don't want to vote for! You and I, as people who work all year long, have very little concept of the kind of sacrifice these loyal public servants are making by pledging to work through the summer to pass a law that is only half wanted.

Here's a little secret about working through the summer: the Alberta MPs aren't well conditioned to handle the heat and humidity of Ottawa summers. Therefore, other than the never-say-the-word-tape-to-me Deputy PM true red Anne McLellan, the rest of those Albertans will lose strength as the days wear on - perhaps they will eventually lack the strength to speak at all - and then the government can pass the law that is only half wanted without having to expend time and energy on negotiations and education of these half-wits. You know they want an elected Senate, right? It is to laugh. Alberta - I hear it's somewhere west of the Ontario border, about a hundred years behind the times!

Repeat after me: "I pledge to provide all good thoughts to the Right Hon. Paul Martin and to have the same-sex marriage law passed even though only half the House of Commons wants it passed. So help me, Liberal."

Good night and good daze days to you, my Liberal friends.