The Wryno Party

Once again, I am dismayed by the absolute lack of respect some people have for our young people and the concept of fairness in team play. Once again, a resident of the great and glorious GTA is fighting back against the sneaky tactics of the conservatives - or is that the Conservatives, one must ask? - to undermine the fundamental right for everyone to be special.

Dalius Butrimas was just trying to help his little boy with his hockey equipment when the nasty Novice White team officials got ugly. Team officials suspended Brendan in October 2002, then demoted him to a less skilled team - an announcement made publicly, and that made Brendan feel sad, quite mad, and motivated enough to sue the hockey association for $10,000. We must doff our caps to a ten-year-old who knows enough about the legal system to engage the services of a lawyer and to initiate $10,000 proceedings.

I am appalled, as I am sure you are, gentle reader. Imagine. A seven-year-old who can't get in and out of his hockey equipment is moved to a league more suitable for his limited abilities - I mean, what were these officials thinking? Don't they know that everyone deserves the same rights, the same recognition, the same opportunities no matter how others must be hampered in the process? Don't these officials get the message yet? In November 2002, New Brunswick resident Micheal Croteau sued the league because the league didn't name his son the league's most valuable player. This case, good and kind reader, is on its way to the Supreme Court of Canada, where all is made right and nothing is sacred.

Let us send all sorts of strength and power to the hockey players of tomorrow, who deserve to play professionally no matter how inept they may be.

Bad thoughts pollute the air. We all know that. Bad thoughts make people say and do bad things.

Therefore, would everyone in the GTA please restrict your thoughts to good things instead of worrying about the Liberals? Think in positive terms. If you find yourself starting to worry, draw a big red X right through that mental image, and replace it with your smiling face. You are happy because universal day care is a reality. You are happy because Kyoto is a reality without affecting the GTA. You are happy because you don't raise cows (no cows, no mad cow disease). You are happy because there will never, ever be another disaster like SARS. See how happy you are? This type of thinking will clear the air.

A wonderful result of this positive thinking is, you will be more diligent than ever about recycling. You will cease to wonder if the items you so carefully separate actually stay separated and end up in recycling instead of in a landfill. You will be more diligent about reading only good newspapers and then the bad newspapers won't be able to stay in business. You will cease to wonder if the bad newspapers might actually be reporting the truth. You will be alert to any infrigements of your rights, such as your right to a smoke-free bingo hall and Legion Hall. You will cease to wonder if the government might sometime pass a law that makes you less free.

Less stress, more clean air. What could be easier than that?

HerImperialHighness proclaims that, henceforth, the Ralph Goodale Budget, then the Jack Layton Budget, shall now and forever be known as the Belinda Budget. I am sure the Hon. Belinda Stronach will forgive me for the lack of formality in view of the alliteration afforded by the use of her given name. As reported at www.bloc-harper.com, the Hon. Belinda Stronach was the saviour of Canada's future, at least for a little while.

All is not secure, however. I would alert all loyal Canadians (each and every Liberal one of us) to pay close attention to the evils that are diagrammed at www.bloc-harper.com/blocharper/task.htm. As you can see, both Quebec and the Western provinces need to be protected from the dangers that are Harper & company. Harper intends to transfer unprecendented levels of power, authority and control to all provinces and territories. Why, such powers have not been seen at the provincial level since before the Right Hon. Pierre Trudeau, may he rest in Liberal pieces peace. As spelled out at the website, the logical end is: provinces that share cultural and economic interests will decide they would be better off separate from Canada! That would mean a dismantling of the Canada that we know and love! That would mean people in the remaining portions would be responsible for funding their own problem solving actions - even if the remaining portions lack the finances to fund the social responses to global problems! How can we allow this to happen?

A better question, a smarter question: How can we prevent this from happening? 1. We must obfuscate the information. People must not be allowed to communicate in a single, understandable language. That way, we cannot be accused of withholding information - we can honestly say that people just didn't take the time to learn the language we're using to express the information. 2. Pass Orders-in-Council in secret, and ram legislation through with no time for debate or questions, to ensure power stays in Ottawa and out of the provincial realms. 3. Spend, spend, spend - keep Quebec in Canada - the western areas are too far away to notice what's going on, but we need Hull in Canada! 4. Promote non-English education and employment - most of the westerners speak English, so - let's stick with French as the new language of choice - that should keep Quebec happy and the westerners confused. 5. Hide the costs of language obsfucation through all levels of government. 6. Should anyone question or criticize our actions, make it clear that the person is either insane (and therefore in need of treatment) or an extremist (and therefore in need of treatment) and in either case, should be ignored. Make it clear that a chimpanzee is more qualified to comment on government policy than anyone who dares to question government policy. 7. Tax the west more heavily. If they had to work more hours, they would be more tired, and therefore less able to complain or even find things about which to complain. The west is supposed to provide raw materials (including cash) to eastern Canada anyways; that was the arrangement; if they don't like it, they can move out east - sorry, just a little bit of levity in an otherwise horrendously serious sitiation.

There you have it - a simple seven-point plan to keep Quebec and the west quiet. And all because the Hon. Belinda Stronach was able to keep the country alive at its darkest hour!

Something has gone horribly, terribly wrong for The Right Hon. Paul Martin and I implore each of you as honest and true Canadians to pray for him - in a non-denominational, non-threatening, tolerate-of-all-religions-and-no-religions sort of way - that he will find the strength he needs to rise above this latest of cruel tests.

Ontario "Liberal" MP Pat O'Brien is now Ontario "Independent" MP Pat O'Brien. Like the flutter of butterfly wings, the loss of this traitor means good things for our beloved Liberal party - except for the fear of an election call, now that the numbers have changed. (The loss of Gurmant Grewal is, I fear, temporary, as stress leave could end at any time, especially if there is a vote in the House and the fear-inspiring Mr. Harper forces Mr. Grewal to return for the vote)

Folks, it isn't just the numbers. The bigger issue here is the innuendo. There are rumours that Liberals don't support same-sex marriage. Now, I ask you - a an honest and true Canadian, how could you not support same-sex marriage? It isn't as if same-sex marriage means the breakdown of family life as we know it. Same-sex marriage legislation shows the world that, once again, Canada is a leader in tolerance and acceptance. And if Harper, O'Brien and the other racist bigot knuckle-dragging redneck westerners can't see that by now, I don't know what we have to do to get them to see the light. O'Brien says The Right Hon. Paul Martin did not deliver on "full, fair and meaningful" hearings. The Liberals heard from over 60 witnesses - 20 more than originally expected - how can that be anything but full, fair and meaningful? I don't know exactly who the witnesses were, but I can assure you that each person who spoke of tolerance, acceptance and the political correctness of same-sex marriage was given ample time to express these leadership-inspired thoughts to the committee. As the Hon. House Leader Tony Valeri said, government will sit through the summer if required to ensure Bill C-38 is passed.

That is dedication! That is the kind of inspired leadership Canadians need and deserve! Politicians who are willing to work through the summer to pass legislation that almost half of the people in the House don't want to vote for! You and I, as people who work all year long, have very little concept of the kind of sacrifice these loyal public servants are making by pledging to work through the summer to pass a law that is only half wanted.

Here's a little secret about working through the summer: the Alberta MPs aren't well conditioned to handle the heat and humidity of Ottawa summers. Therefore, other than the never-say-the-word-tape-to-me Deputy PM true red Anne McLellan, the rest of those Albertans will lose strength as the days wear on - perhaps they will eventually lack the strength to speak at all - and then the government can pass the law that is only half wanted without having to expend time and energy on negotiations and education of these half-wits. You know they want an elected Senate, right? It is to laugh. Alberta - I hear it's somewhere west of the Ontario border, about a hundred years behind the times!

Repeat after me: "I pledge to provide all good thoughts to the Right Hon. Paul Martin and to have the same-sex marriage law passed even though only half the House of Commons wants it passed. So help me, Liberal."

Good night and good daze days to you, my Liberal friends.